UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
