She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
