If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
