Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
