i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
