the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
