so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
