she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
