If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize