this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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