I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
