If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
