I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This baby is an asshole
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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