i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
