I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
