There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
