im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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