Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
