mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
