end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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