It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
