my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
