so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
