I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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