just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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