I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
