Swine flu. Run for my life!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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