The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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