i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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