I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
