I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
