My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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