Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
