And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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