You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
