last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
