You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
