Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
