Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
