I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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