So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
