I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
