How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
