I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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