4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
