It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
