Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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