if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
