**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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