I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
3 2 1 whiskey
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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