I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
