I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
