she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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