i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
