I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize