I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
