John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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