WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
