i may or may not be watching the land before time
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
