I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
