my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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