she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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