if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
