I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
