I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
